Today in Kenya, it is rare to find a campus relationship
that leads to marriage. The percentage of those that do is
continuously decreasing day after another.
The belief that life starts at 40 can at times be mistaken to
mean a good husband or wife is the one who came at a
later age in life. As such, you will have tasted the waters,
traveled through thick and thin and you are now set to
turn over a new leaf.
In this article, I will not dwell at the do’s and dent’s of a
good relationship but rather examine 5 tips that will
upgrade your relationship.
A good relationship starts with good communication. I
know good is relative so I will simplify this one to that
relationship whereby you can talk all day from Good
morning to Good night without getting bored of each
other. The problem is, how do you make this possible?
1. Listen!
Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully
understood.
Sometimes mirroring or simply repeating what your
spouse has said, is enough to let him or her know that you
have been listening. For example, say something like, “I
understand you’re upset because I didn’t take out the
rubbish.” Or “I realize that you want to talk about what
happened at work today.” Provide evidence that you are
paying attention to your partner’s concerns.
2. Set aside regular couple time
Early on in a relationship couples talk as friends, they do
fun things, but over time, those ways of connecting
change. Work, family, financial problems, all have a way
of taking over daily life and eroding the sense of fun that
brought you two together in the first place. Bring the fun
back – even if you have to book it into the calendar once
every week. Sharing a physical activity, like a bike ride or
a walk in the park, is especially good for lifting your spirits,
along with your heart rate.
Activities like going out for an intimate dinner, staying at
home and playing music from your younger days, or
watching a favorite film will help both of you to remember
why you chose each other. If money is in short supply, do
babysitting swaps with a friend and plan a picnic in the
park. There are 168 hours in a week: make a commitment
to devote at least two of those hours to your relationship.
3. Don’t throw things
Of course, you and your partner are not going to agree
about everything, but in expressing disagreement to your
partner, playground rules apply – no insults, name-calling
or throwing things. If you disagree, do it in a civil way.
Don’t make the other person wrong, don’t say he’s stupid.
Instead, say: “You think we ought to do this. I have
another thought about it.'”
If your disagreement seems to be escalating, call a
mutually agreed upon time-out, and make a plan to
continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. Keeping
things on a calm, even keel is better for your blood
pressure and your relationship.
4. Turn up the heat
If your sex life is diminishing or you’re not having sex as
often as one partner in the relationship would like, then
getting your sex life back on track may be a priority.
Think about your partner as someone you desire – and
someone you want to entice to fall in love with you over
and over again. Pay attention to your grooming, be
romantic, and don’t take your partner for granted.
5. Ask for what you want – nicely
If there’s something you’d like your spouse to do, talk
about it. How is he supposed to know that you wish he
would bring home flowers or that a back massage would
be a dream come true? Tell him – simply, sweetly and
directly. Do not drop obscure hints – this is not a test to
see if he or she loves you. It is about giving yourself
permission to ask for what you want and requesting it
lovingly – without accusations or guilt. If a few weeks go
by and still you do not get those roses, have a second
conversation.
Seek expert help
Sometimes relationship problems need expert help from a
counselor or an external friend to talk to. Feel you need
someone to let off something to, don’t hesitate to talk to
#Nijenge at any time. Your joy keeps me going.
that leads to marriage. The percentage of those that do is
continuously decreasing day after another.
The belief that life starts at 40 can at times be mistaken to
mean a good husband or wife is the one who came at a
later age in life. As such, you will have tasted the waters,
traveled through thick and thin and you are now set to
turn over a new leaf.
In this article, I will not dwell at the do’s and dent’s of a
good relationship but rather examine 5 tips that will
upgrade your relationship.
A good relationship starts with good communication. I
know good is relative so I will simplify this one to that
relationship whereby you can talk all day from Good
morning to Good night without getting bored of each
other. The problem is, how do you make this possible?
1. Listen!
Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully
understood.
Sometimes mirroring or simply repeating what your
spouse has said, is enough to let him or her know that you
have been listening. For example, say something like, “I
understand you’re upset because I didn’t take out the
rubbish.” Or “I realize that you want to talk about what
happened at work today.” Provide evidence that you are
paying attention to your partner’s concerns.
2. Set aside regular couple time
Early on in a relationship couples talk as friends, they do
fun things, but over time, those ways of connecting
change. Work, family, financial problems, all have a way
of taking over daily life and eroding the sense of fun that
brought you two together in the first place. Bring the fun
back – even if you have to book it into the calendar once
every week. Sharing a physical activity, like a bike ride or
a walk in the park, is especially good for lifting your spirits,
along with your heart rate.
Activities like going out for an intimate dinner, staying at
home and playing music from your younger days, or
watching a favorite film will help both of you to remember
why you chose each other. If money is in short supply, do
babysitting swaps with a friend and plan a picnic in the
park. There are 168 hours in a week: make a commitment
to devote at least two of those hours to your relationship.
3. Don’t throw things
Of course, you and your partner are not going to agree
about everything, but in expressing disagreement to your
partner, playground rules apply – no insults, name-calling
or throwing things. If you disagree, do it in a civil way.
Don’t make the other person wrong, don’t say he’s stupid.
Instead, say: “You think we ought to do this. I have
another thought about it.'”
If your disagreement seems to be escalating, call a
mutually agreed upon time-out, and make a plan to
continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. Keeping
things on a calm, even keel is better for your blood
pressure and your relationship.
4. Turn up the heat
If your sex life is diminishing or you’re not having sex as
often as one partner in the relationship would like, then
getting your sex life back on track may be a priority.
Think about your partner as someone you desire – and
someone you want to entice to fall in love with you over
and over again. Pay attention to your grooming, be
romantic, and don’t take your partner for granted.
5. Ask for what you want – nicely
If there’s something you’d like your spouse to do, talk
about it. How is he supposed to know that you wish he
would bring home flowers or that a back massage would
be a dream come true? Tell him – simply, sweetly and
directly. Do not drop obscure hints – this is not a test to
see if he or she loves you. It is about giving yourself
permission to ask for what you want and requesting it
lovingly – without accusations or guilt. If a few weeks go
by and still you do not get those roses, have a second
conversation.
Seek expert help
Sometimes relationship problems need expert help from a
counselor or an external friend to talk to. Feel you need
someone to let off something to, don’t hesitate to talk to
#Nijenge at any time. Your joy keeps me going.
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